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The Ballad of Henry Aaron

In the town of Arlington
Where people aren’t prone to starin’
There lived a baby with excited parents,
And his name was Henry Aaron.

The mother she was the thoughtful type
Who readied her house with care.
She ate healthy foods and kept herself fit
And avoided meat cooked rare.

For nine long months she carried her lad
She felt all his kicks and jolts
Some were soft and tranquil
Some were thunderbolts.

But in the town of Arlington
Where people aren’t prone to starin’
There was a baby with one anxious parent,
The dad of Henry Aaron.

This fellow he was a man of nerves
Who got morning sickness, too.
And he put on weight, just like his mate
‘Tis silly, but it’s true.

And while he waited, Dad hammered and painted.
He often stayed up late.
He chewed on his nails while expecting the wails
Of a boy who was making him wait.

But Mom, she said, “I’m ready whenever.
I see no reason to worry.
If Henry is late, that’s fine with me,
Why should the little guy hurry?”

Yet Dad he had all the bags packed
And ready by the door.
And when Mom said, “it’s time,” he was fast off the line
And flying across the floor.

He jumped in the car and sped down the road
And said, “how are you, my dear?”
But there was no answer, oh my God,
And he realized his greatest fear.

So back at the house, he collected his spouse
Where all the neighbors were starin’
And soon came the boy, oh the joy,
And his name was Henry Aaron.
                                    -Ian Ruderman